A Lexicon of KuroFai
by Jammed
Summary: [Also posted on the KuroFai LJ] The AZ of KuroFai. To be taken with a pinch of humour and a dose of angst.


Disclaimer: If they were mine, there would be much more action.

**A Lexicon of KuroFai**

**A** is for anger. Anger is the only emotion Kurogane ever shows, other than battlelust. Fai loves provoking him, by calling him ridiculous names, making him buy flour and turning the most feared ninja in Japan into a domestic husband. But Fai knows the Kurogane isn't really angry with him; the name-calling and subsequent death glare a comfortable, familiar routine in uncertain worlds.

**B** is for blue. Blue is the colour Kurogane associates with Fai. His eyes are a soft, pale blue, with bright sparks of mischief. His ridiculously huge coat has blue swirls decorating it. His aura, Kurogane imagines, would be a pulsing blue cocoon. Kurogane knows that Fai is blue, just like he himself is red, and both of them conflict yet complement each other.

**C** is for cake. Fai once made a cake for Kurogane, when they were in Outo country. It was an orange cake, and Kurogane could smell the pleasant, tangy, citrus scent once he entered the café. It was late night, and no one was in the café except Fai and Kurogane. Fai had invited him to try out his newest creation, but Kurogane refused to eat the strange concoction. Mokona had appeared from thin air at that moment, holding up the cake and insisted that Kurogane must eat it 'because Mokona helped make it too'. It quickly became a scruffle, and ended with Kurogane getting most of the cake over his face and clothes. Fai had chuckled and broke up the fight by pulling Mokona away. With two elegant fingers, he wiped the icing off Kurogane's nose and licked the sweet treat off his fingers with his tongue. Kurogane saw the blue eyes darken with emotion and a pressure swell in his chest. The moment was spoilt when Mokona dumped the rest of the intact cake on his head.

**D** is for doggy. This is the nickname Kurogane hates the most. 'Kuro-wanko' and 'Okki-wanko' is not something he would have put up with back in his homeland. But his life is quickly separating into two parts; before the quest, and on the quest. There are many things in the latter that the former doesn't have. The nickname is one of them, and Kurogane accepts it, because the life without the nickname was the life without Fai.

**E** is for envy. Fai envies Kurogane's strength and control. Kurogane has a purpose, an aim. He knows his abilities, his place in the group and is confident with them. Beside him, Fai feels like an awkward adolescent, forever running, with mage abilities that he can't use. He knows he can never be as strong as Kurogane, but with the man beside him, he feels a little stronger.

**F** is for façade. Kurogane hates Fai's façade. He knows that Fai only shows happiness and joy and evades questions about his homeland like a slippery eel. But Kurogane also knows that everyone of them has their secrets. Syaoran hides his sorrow beneath his concern for the princess. Sakura hides her insecurities beneath her caring exterior. He himself hides his attachment to them beneath growls and glares. And their facades are what keeps them sane.

**G** is for graceful. Fai is the most graceful person Kurogane has ever seen. It should be against the laws of nature for one so unnaturally skinny to move with such ease and grace. When Fai was fighting against Primera, it was as if the lanky man was dancing on air, laughing and twirling like a ballerina.

**H** is for home. Fai doesn't want to go home. He left a mess back there, and he never wants to see the person he left back there again. But no matter how many worlds they have traveled, he feels an invisible chain linking his heart to his home. He knows that Kurogane wants nothing more than to be back in his homeland. Fai prays that they wouldn't reach Kurogane's world so soon, although he knows that he is being selfish. But his heart aches at the thought of traveling without the ninja and he knows that there's already another invisible chain linking his heart with Kurogane.

**I** is for ice-cream. They had ice-cream once in Hanshin Country. Fai proclaimed it the best thing since sliced bread (which they discovered the day before) and proceed to sample every flavour they came across. Kurogane deigned to eat just one (vanilla, single cone) and said it was too sweet. But he finished it, and helped Fai hold his cones when the mage bought several at one go.

**J** is for justice. If there were any justice in the world (or worlds), Fai thought, Sakura and Syaoran would be a happy, young couple with no worries bigger than what they should have for dinner. If there were any justice in the world, the next world would be Kurogane's world and Kurogane could leave them to protect his princess. And the world after that would be Fai's world, so Ashura can kill him before his broken heart does it and this sappy story can come to an end.

**K** is for kill. Tomoyo-hime's curse forbade Kurogane from taking another life, and Kurogane hates her for that. But that is another thing that has changed in his life. He no longer has the driving urge to kill to prove his strength. His role in the group is the fighter, and every new world brings a new challenge. He would kill if he has to, and risk losing his powers, but he would only do so to protect.

**L** is for lemon. When Kurogane first kissed Fai, he could smell the scent of the lemon dishwashing liquid the mage had been using. Fai tasted like the lemon meringue he loves to eat, and when Kurogane felt Fai moan against his lips, his thoughts were lost in a whirlpool of desire and lust.

**M** is for male. Fai, despite his looks, is male. Kurogane is undeniably male. There are no laws governing their choice of bed partners, and neither of them cares if there is. Fai has always known he preferred men. Kurogane never loved anyone, other than his parents, before. He doesn't know if he is homosexual or bisexual, but he knows he is definitely Faisexual.

**N** is for naughty. Everyone knows Mokona is naughty. Everyone knows Fai is just a naughty. What they don't know is that Kurogane is even naughtier. But that is Fai's secret.

**O** is for octopus. Fai is an octopus, Kurogane decided one day. Fai has a remarkable ability to cling on to someone, even when said someone is bigger, stronger and pushing him away with all his might. His four skinny limbs seem to multiply in bed, where he would drape himself on top of Kurogane. Kurogane once had a nightmare in which he was being strangled and suffocated by a giant octopus, and woke up to find Fai sleeping like a log on top of him, limbs akimbo. That was when he first decided that Fai is an octopus.

**P** is for partner. Kurogane is Fai's partner as Syaoran is Sakura's partner. It's a delicate balance that keeps them united. When fighting, Kurogane trusts Fai to keep himself alive but he watches out for Syaoran and Sakura. Kurogane is thankful that Fai is there, as another adult and a partner he can trust. But he would never admit that to Fai, not when the mage acts like a five-year old.

**Q** is for quiet. Fai doesn't like things to be quiet. He likes to talk, laugh and fill the silence with happy sounds. He knows that if he doesn't talk, he would brood on the past. He would muse on his past decisions and obsess on hashing out every possibility and what-ifs. And there would be the unbearable burden of guilt. When Fai is quiet, he sometimes forget to smile and his guilt will show on his face. The others would inevitably ask him what was wrong, and that is why Fai doesn't like to be quiet.

**R** is for run. Kurogane has done a lot of running in his life. In the first part of his life, he ran after his enemies, he ran to lure enemies away from the princess, he ran with a feral grin and bloodlust singing in his veins. But now, he ran after an insanely cheerful mage, brandishing his sword and promising death. And one day, he finally caught up with his target and for the first time, his run ended in something quite different.

**S **is for sex. Kurogane tries to convince himself that he was in it only for the sex. It was certainly good even if Fai insists on calling him those names even in bed. He couldn't possibly be in love. No, love was only for people like Syaoran and Sakura, who trust each other unfailingly. He is a ninja, and love can only be a weakness to him. They were in it only for the sex, even if Kurogane can no longer imagine a life without Fai.

**T** is for tomato. Fai decides that if he were to be a fruit, he would be a tomato. He will have a smooth, glossy skin outside, and be all squishy inside. And when he gets too near to the fire, he would be slightly burnt outside and even squishier inside.

**U** is for urge. It is only human to have urges, Fai reasons. After all, they were both healthy, virile men, and doing it yourself can only give you this much pleasure. It is only normal to have the urge to kiss someone you have been through near-death with. It is only the urges that brought them both to the same bed. It is only normal if nothing changes outside their room, for it is only the urges that brought them there. So even as he exhales a sigh of relief every time they end up in a world that is not Kurogane's, Fai tries to believe that it is only human urges and necessity that ties them together, and he couldn't possibly be in love with someone who doesn't love him back.

**V** is for verbal. This is how Fai finally confronts his emotions. He told himself 'I love Kurogane,' and when the sky doesn't falls on him, the ground doesn't open up and swallow him, and that sentence feels so right, he tells Kurogane 'I love you.'

**W** is for wish. Fai wished he has never told Kurogane he loves him. He wished that he has never met Kurogane. He wished that he has never imprisoned Ashura, that he has never transported himself to the Dimension Witch's place, that he has never joined this endless quest. He wished that he had never been born, so he wouldn't have to feel the unbearable pain when Kurogane stop sharing his bed.

**X** is used to indicate an incorrect answer. Kurogane did not know what to say when Fai confessed to him, and everything he does now seems to have a huge 'X' hanging over it. Fai treats him like before, all silly nicknames and huge grins, but Fai no longer touches him like before. No more soft brushes of fingers across his palm, no more crushes of lips against tongues and no more desperate friction of hot bodies against sweat-damp sheets. But it is the big, black 'X' in his chest which twists his heart every time he sees Fai that finally forces to him to admit to himself that it was more than sex that kept them together.

**Y** is for yes. 'Yes' is what Kurogane is going to tell Fai. He is going to say 'Yes, I love you too and yes, I was an idiot and yes, I'm sorry.' He hopes that it is not too late,

**Z** is for zenith. Because when you have sword and sorcery together, that is the limit.

Feedback will be loved, polished and displayed on a shelf.


End file.
